Unemployed
Today was not a good day. I was "let go" from my job as Minister of Creative Arts of 4 and a half years. I was told that they were dissolving my position and it was effective immediately. I cleaned out my office, turned in my keys, and was out the door before you could say "Bob's your uncle." So, what now? I have no idea. What I do know is this: I have to believe that God knows what He's doing. There must be something out there for me. I have a wonderful, supportive girl in my life who loves me. I have supportive friends all over the US who are praying for me and who have sent their love to me in this dark time. I have many talents and gifts that would benefit some ministry somewhere. I have always struggled with where my place in this world is; where do I fit in to the grand scheme of things? I'll just have to trust that the doors will open for me. Right now, they feel shut with a big old "CLOSED" sign in the window. God, I know you're listening. Help me. I feel small and used up. I feel betrayed, let down and let go. I feel burned out and burned up. I feel angry and depressed. I feel all this and so much more that I can never put it into words. Let me know that You are there. Show me the way.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Thursday, April 08, 2004
God's Son
God's Son
by Lois A. Cheney
Once upon a time
There was a God
Who so loved the world
That He gave His Son
His only Son.
And they took that Son
And they hung him on a cross
And that Son died
And they buried the Son -
Sealed him up tight.
But God said,
"Oh no you don't"
And He rolled back the rock
He unsealed His Son
And His Son came out
Came out walking and breathing
And He was Alive.
And he's alive today
And he walks around
And he stalks around
Breathing life and life
Every morning, just before dawn
For thousands of years
Little grim people -
Preachers and bankers and
Storekeepers and students -
Sneak up to the grave and
Roll back the stone
To seal it up tight.
And every morning
God roars,
"Oh no you don't!"
And He flings back
the stone.
by Lois A. Cheney
Once upon a time
There was a God
Who so loved the world
That He gave His Son
His only Son.
And they took that Son
And they hung him on a cross
And that Son died
And they buried the Son -
Sealed him up tight.
But God said,
"Oh no you don't"
And He rolled back the rock
He unsealed His Son
And His Son came out
Came out walking and breathing
And He was Alive.
And he's alive today
And he walks around
And he stalks around
Breathing life and life
Every morning, just before dawn
For thousands of years
Little grim people -
Preachers and bankers and
Storekeepers and students -
Sneak up to the grave and
Roll back the stone
To seal it up tight.
And every morning
God roars,
"Oh no you don't!"
And He flings back
the stone.
Palm Sunday Painting
For 2 years now, I have painted a crucifixion related picture while our pastor delivers the sermon. It has stretched me in ways I can't explain. The time constraint (40 minutes or so) pushes you to paint fast. The environment (rented school) limits my frenetic painting style so this year's painting is much more controlled. I'm really looking forward to our church getting in our own building. This will free me up to paint larger, wilder...free up the creativity. I really enjoy doing this and hope I have opportunities to continue. Thanks go to Tom Clark for inspiring me to take my gifts one step farther. Check out Tom's amazing work at www.tclarkdesign.com.
Remember the Blogamo
Got an email from Jon this morning. I had asked him about blog sites since UpSaid wants to charge me money to continue. He suggested BlogSpot, so here I am. I moved the few UpSaid entries over as one big post and will start my new posts today. Speaking of Jon, his movie debut starts Friday. "The Alamo." Jon had the opportunity to do some work in that film and I'm really looking forward to seeing it so I can catch his ugly mug on the big screen. Perhaps Sarah and I will go see it Friday or Saturday.
Previous Bloggage
Thursday March 25, 2004
On My Life Going By
This awesome song by "King's X" just sums it up nicely!
I've seen a wind torn sky.
And I've felt the river cry.
And I've seen the old ones have their say.
I've known the constitution.
And I've seen a revolution.
And I've seen the birds all fly away.
I've climbed in the back and I've hung
from the rack and I've died more that once on the way.
And I've sat there in awe and I've seen
myself fall and I've felt the full light of the day.
On...my life going by.
I've read confusing fiction.
And lived a contradiction.
And I've wondered where on earth I've been.
I've known a love forever.
A Truth I couldn't sever.
A chord that flows a free as wind.
I've stood on the mountain and drank from the fountain and poured it all out on the floor.
Turned my back to the glory and walked the tenth story and come back to knock on your door.
On...my life going by .... my life going on ... my life going by.
Posted by renzntzman at 11:07 AM - Comments [0]
Tuesday March 23, 2004
Christian Cliche
Father, forgive me
For I know not what I say
But I don’t want to be
A Christian cliché’
I feel so out of place
Like a swine in Gucci pearls
It seems I’m just a crumb
In their cookie cutter world
My best friend is a stripper
My other friend is gay
No wonder Christian zealots
Look down on me this way
I have read Harry Potter
But I’ve heard that that’s a sin
The pioused ones like Tolkien
Perhaps I’ll read that one again
I love to go to movies
But it seems that’s also wrong
Unless the characters are cartoons
And they all sing cutesy songs
The Christians have a hissy
If an “R” rated movie is seen
But could you cut me a little slack
If it’s just PG-13
When the holidays roll around
I love to celebrate
But I’ve been told that Santa Claus
And the Easter Bunny aren’t that great
When it comes to music
I really like to rock
But the Christians say I’m crazy
If I don’t listen to Bach
I don’t like Sandy Patti
I think she’s really shrill
And most of Christian music
Makes me pretty ill
They seem to make exception
If it’s the country music vista
But I just don’t dig on music
About adultery with one’s sister
I want to live a good life
And follow Jesus’ plan
But Christian’s taste in culture
For me, is way too bland
Variety is the spice of life
My dishes need some cumin
I wonder why these Christian folk
Forget that they are human
So I’ll keep my CD collection
And my books and tapes as well
At least I won’t be bored to death
On my way to Hell
Copyright 2004 Marty Gordon
Posted by renzntzman at 11:12 AM - Comments [0]
Sarah
It's amazing. I haven't posted too many entries on "UpSaid" and most of them are about love or finding a girlfriend. One would think I'm obsessed w/ the thought. Well, up until a couple of weeks ago, it had been 6.5 years since having even a decent date. 2 weeks ago, I met Sarah. We met on Eharmony, a dating website that is reknowned for it's success. I had been trying other sites with no success so I figured I'd try it. It was recommended by a friend. What's the harm? After joining, I was barraged with an endless series of women who were nowhere near what I was looking for. I complained to Eharmony. We adjusted some things and...the matches got better. Then one day, Sarah pops up. There was no picture, and I never respond if there's no picture, but I had a hunch about this one. We proceeded to communicate and, to make a long story short, things are going great. I met her in Asheville last weekend and she's coming to Columbia this weekend. We talk on the phone or internet constantly and we have a ton in common. She's an artist, writer, actor...just an all around creative being. We always have plenty to talk about and it's just crazy how well we "click." For years, I thought God had forgotten all about me. You would think that I would have learned by now that His timing is perfect. So, needless to say, God is on the A-List again and I have this awful feeling that I may end up in an Eharmony commercial someday saying, "I met my wife on Eharmony."
Posted by renzntzman at 8:42 AM - Comments [0]
Thursday March 04, 2004
Smoke, Nothing But Smoke
Bridgette called today. It seems that Jeff's (Bates) cancer has spread to his stomach. They went to Birmingham and the doctors say there's nothing they can do. The prognosis is he could be gone by December.
Very scary. Jeff is only a year or two older than me. Kevin (who died a year ago) was my age. "We act like we're never gonna die" but sooner or later the Reaper comes a-callin'.
I haven't had much contact with Jeff in recent years but we used to hang out quite a bit back in the day. We were both in the college ensemble at church and we were a pretty tight knit group. We did a lot of stuff together. I remember the night we went shark fishing. My cousin Jane decided she was going to smoke a cigar like the boys and she got sick. I remember Mike Tidwell taking the johnboat out to distribute the chum but the water was so choppy, the chum returned to shore before he did. I remember Greg Allender strapped into the shark fishing gear (like Cap'n Quint in Jaws). We finally gave up and went to the pier to fish. Someone caught an octopus and let it squirm all over the dock. Girls were squealing about that one. It was a fun night.
Many of those people are no longer present in my life on a day to day basis but they are in my memories and they hold a special place in my heart. Today, my heart goes out to Jeff, Regina, and they're two girls. Today, my prayer is for healing for Jeff. Take care of Jeff, Father. He's a good guy.
Posted by renzntzman at 11:56 AM - Comments [0]
Friday February 20, 2004
Upholding the Standard
You know, I'm a little sick and tired of people who tell me I'm too picky when it comes to choosing a girlfriend, mate, what-have-you. Who knows better than me what I want and what I need. Sure, I idealize her in my head. I'm not perfect. What I'm concerned about is the amazing fact that people are okay with telling me to "settle." Hello, people! Have you seen the divorce rate lately? The world is full of divorced folks who "settled" or didn't check things out deeply enough before taking the "big plunge." So sue me if I'm being careful and my standards are a little higher than most. I'm looking for the real deal...my best friend, lover, companion, soul mate. So...anybody who's listening (I know you're few), listen up. Mind your own freakin' business and let me uphold my own set of standards. If I end up alone for the rest of my life, it's nobody's fault but mine. (Everybody sing)
"Nobody's fault but mine. Nobody's fault but mine. If I can't get me a woman, nobody's fault but mine."
Posted by renzntzman at 2:12 PM - Comments [0]
Wednesday February 11, 2004
Being in Love
I remember being in love. Granted, it’s been a long time, but I was in love. I was head-over-heels-the-puppy-grew-up-into-a-full-grown-dog in love. Her name was Leah.
She was beautiful, smart, talented, fun and most important of all, in love with me right back. This was, however, not one of those love-at-first-sight occurrences. This love took time. At first, we became friends. I resisted, of course, being the introverted recluse that I can be at times. But she was determined. She advanced on my self-made fortress and systematically began to break through; brick by brick. She showed me friendship like I had never seen before. She became such a close friend that we soon became inseparable. We spent every waking moment possible together at movies, eating, playing cards, or just hanging out. I loved just walking through the local mall with her. There we would go, no money at all, to walk arm in arm through the many shops. We would talk about anything and everything, laughing and joking the whole time. It was wonderful. One of the most beautiful times I remember spending with her was when we read to each other from our journals. With extraordinary intimacy, we shared with each other our most secret scribblings. I had never been in a relationship that encompassed so much trust. It was only a matter of time before I was bitten by the love bug. We soon began dating and I soon became silly.
When you are in love, you do strange, inexplicable things. There is so much love in you that it just bubbles over and messes with your brain. What a great feeling it is. In dealing with my love for Leah, I soon found myself pursuing different ways I could show my love for her. Each show of affection was not enough (in my own eyes) and therefore, I had to top it each time. Of course I engaged in your typical romantic activities: dinners, movies, cards, flowers, stuffed animals, candy and the like. But these were not enough. I had to go deeper.
Leah had a love for tropical fish so I found some stuffed fish (toys) and a fish net. I got into her office, tacked the net up on the wall and carefully arranged the fish. I know I left a note but I can’t remember exactly what I wrote. I’m sure it was corny and contained at least one pun pertaining to fish or the ocean. As I told you before, I was hooked (pun intended). Another time, I put together a collage of images that related to her favorite things in life. I then placed it in a frame and wrote something appropriately mushy on the back. I was constantly doing these kinds of things. I was a madman. I was insane with love and I didn’t care who knew about it.
Now, let’s relate this kind of behavior with our love for God. We say we love Him, but are we head-over-heels-madly in love with Him. Are we so in love with God that we are willing to step out on a limb to show Him? Are we willing to look stupid to the world so that we can express our affection to our Creator? Are we willing to do whatever it takes to worship our God?
In the book of 2 Samuel, David gives us a picture of “undignified” worship. The Israelites were finally bringing the Ark of the Covenant back to Jerusalem and David got very excited. He danced around like a crazy person. His wife, Michal, chastised him for acting this way. Do you know what David said to her? “I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes.”
Wow! David’s love for the Lord knew no pride. David, king of all Israel, was willing to look foolish in front of men in order to worship His God. Now that’s love! Would that we could show the Lord this kind of adoration.
Oh, whatever happened to me and Leah? Well, let’s just say, things didn’t work out between us. I’m still waiting for Miss Right to come along. In the meantime, I think I’ll direct my wild affections toward the Lord. Would you like to join me?
Copyright 2004 Marty Gordon
Posted by renzntzman at 5:21 PM - Comments [0]
Eating Crow
After reading the book "Still Life with Crows" by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child, I had to write a review. I felt the book was awful and disappointing and I had to let the world know about it on Amazon. Well, somebody goes on Amazon, filches my (anonymous) review, sends it to the authors and they post it on their website. Maybe when I get my book written, they can give me a bad review on Amazon and we'll be even.
August 2003
Hello,
I found this review on Amazon.com and thought you would get a kick out of it. Gee, and I thought "Chrichton Syndrome" involved becoming wealthy by making terrible movies from awful books!
--Jennifer G.
"Still Born With Crows , July 4, 2003
Reviewer: A reader from Columbia, SC United States
They had me. They really had me. Killer on the loose. Pendergast on the investigation. Killings with strange, inexplicable clues. Then...we reach the end of the book and...BAM...Preston/Child have now officially succumbed to Crichton Syndrome (meaning it's impossible to end a book on a high note.)
Without revealing the ending for those of you who will want to read it, let me just say that it's the most ridiculous, ludicrous ending that I've read in a long while. I expect so much more from these guys and they have let me down in their last 2 books. C'mon guys. I dare you to top Relic. I dare you to surpass Riptide. I dare you.
Please."
We like Jennifer's interpretation better. At least, the part about the money.
As for you, Reader from Columbia: just wait until you get a peek at BRIMSTONE..
-- Lincoln Child
On My Life Going By
This awesome song by "King's X" just sums it up nicely!
I've seen a wind torn sky.
And I've felt the river cry.
And I've seen the old ones have their say.
I've known the constitution.
And I've seen a revolution.
And I've seen the birds all fly away.
I've climbed in the back and I've hung
from the rack and I've died more that once on the way.
And I've sat there in awe and I've seen
myself fall and I've felt the full light of the day.
On...my life going by.
I've read confusing fiction.
And lived a contradiction.
And I've wondered where on earth I've been.
I've known a love forever.
A Truth I couldn't sever.
A chord that flows a free as wind.
I've stood on the mountain and drank from the fountain and poured it all out on the floor.
Turned my back to the glory and walked the tenth story and come back to knock on your door.
On...my life going by .... my life going on ... my life going by.
Posted by renzntzman at 11:07 AM - Comments [0]
Tuesday March 23, 2004
Christian Cliche
Father, forgive me
For I know not what I say
But I don’t want to be
A Christian cliché’
I feel so out of place
Like a swine in Gucci pearls
It seems I’m just a crumb
In their cookie cutter world
My best friend is a stripper
My other friend is gay
No wonder Christian zealots
Look down on me this way
I have read Harry Potter
But I’ve heard that that’s a sin
The pioused ones like Tolkien
Perhaps I’ll read that one again
I love to go to movies
But it seems that’s also wrong
Unless the characters are cartoons
And they all sing cutesy songs
The Christians have a hissy
If an “R” rated movie is seen
But could you cut me a little slack
If it’s just PG-13
When the holidays roll around
I love to celebrate
But I’ve been told that Santa Claus
And the Easter Bunny aren’t that great
When it comes to music
I really like to rock
But the Christians say I’m crazy
If I don’t listen to Bach
I don’t like Sandy Patti
I think she’s really shrill
And most of Christian music
Makes me pretty ill
They seem to make exception
If it’s the country music vista
But I just don’t dig on music
About adultery with one’s sister
I want to live a good life
And follow Jesus’ plan
But Christian’s taste in culture
For me, is way too bland
Variety is the spice of life
My dishes need some cumin
I wonder why these Christian folk
Forget that they are human
So I’ll keep my CD collection
And my books and tapes as well
At least I won’t be bored to death
On my way to Hell
Copyright 2004 Marty Gordon
Posted by renzntzman at 11:12 AM - Comments [0]
Sarah
It's amazing. I haven't posted too many entries on "UpSaid" and most of them are about love or finding a girlfriend. One would think I'm obsessed w/ the thought. Well, up until a couple of weeks ago, it had been 6.5 years since having even a decent date. 2 weeks ago, I met Sarah. We met on Eharmony, a dating website that is reknowned for it's success. I had been trying other sites with no success so I figured I'd try it. It was recommended by a friend. What's the harm? After joining, I was barraged with an endless series of women who were nowhere near what I was looking for. I complained to Eharmony. We adjusted some things and...the matches got better. Then one day, Sarah pops up. There was no picture, and I never respond if there's no picture, but I had a hunch about this one. We proceeded to communicate and, to make a long story short, things are going great. I met her in Asheville last weekend and she's coming to Columbia this weekend. We talk on the phone or internet constantly and we have a ton in common. She's an artist, writer, actor...just an all around creative being. We always have plenty to talk about and it's just crazy how well we "click." For years, I thought God had forgotten all about me. You would think that I would have learned by now that His timing is perfect. So, needless to say, God is on the A-List again and I have this awful feeling that I may end up in an Eharmony commercial someday saying, "I met my wife on Eharmony."
Posted by renzntzman at 8:42 AM - Comments [0]
Thursday March 04, 2004
Smoke, Nothing But Smoke
Bridgette called today. It seems that Jeff's (Bates) cancer has spread to his stomach. They went to Birmingham and the doctors say there's nothing they can do. The prognosis is he could be gone by December.
Very scary. Jeff is only a year or two older than me. Kevin (who died a year ago) was my age. "We act like we're never gonna die" but sooner or later the Reaper comes a-callin'.
I haven't had much contact with Jeff in recent years but we used to hang out quite a bit back in the day. We were both in the college ensemble at church and we were a pretty tight knit group. We did a lot of stuff together. I remember the night we went shark fishing. My cousin Jane decided she was going to smoke a cigar like the boys and she got sick. I remember Mike Tidwell taking the johnboat out to distribute the chum but the water was so choppy, the chum returned to shore before he did. I remember Greg Allender strapped into the shark fishing gear (like Cap'n Quint in Jaws). We finally gave up and went to the pier to fish. Someone caught an octopus and let it squirm all over the dock. Girls were squealing about that one. It was a fun night.
Many of those people are no longer present in my life on a day to day basis but they are in my memories and they hold a special place in my heart. Today, my heart goes out to Jeff, Regina, and they're two girls. Today, my prayer is for healing for Jeff. Take care of Jeff, Father. He's a good guy.
Posted by renzntzman at 11:56 AM - Comments [0]
Friday February 20, 2004
Upholding the Standard
You know, I'm a little sick and tired of people who tell me I'm too picky when it comes to choosing a girlfriend, mate, what-have-you. Who knows better than me what I want and what I need. Sure, I idealize her in my head. I'm not perfect. What I'm concerned about is the amazing fact that people are okay with telling me to "settle." Hello, people! Have you seen the divorce rate lately? The world is full of divorced folks who "settled" or didn't check things out deeply enough before taking the "big plunge." So sue me if I'm being careful and my standards are a little higher than most. I'm looking for the real deal...my best friend, lover, companion, soul mate. So...anybody who's listening (I know you're few), listen up. Mind your own freakin' business and let me uphold my own set of standards. If I end up alone for the rest of my life, it's nobody's fault but mine. (Everybody sing)
"Nobody's fault but mine. Nobody's fault but mine. If I can't get me a woman, nobody's fault but mine."
Posted by renzntzman at 2:12 PM - Comments [0]
Wednesday February 11, 2004
Being in Love
I remember being in love. Granted, it’s been a long time, but I was in love. I was head-over-heels-the-puppy-grew-up-into-a-full-grown-dog in love. Her name was Leah.
She was beautiful, smart, talented, fun and most important of all, in love with me right back. This was, however, not one of those love-at-first-sight occurrences. This love took time. At first, we became friends. I resisted, of course, being the introverted recluse that I can be at times. But she was determined. She advanced on my self-made fortress and systematically began to break through; brick by brick. She showed me friendship like I had never seen before. She became such a close friend that we soon became inseparable. We spent every waking moment possible together at movies, eating, playing cards, or just hanging out. I loved just walking through the local mall with her. There we would go, no money at all, to walk arm in arm through the many shops. We would talk about anything and everything, laughing and joking the whole time. It was wonderful. One of the most beautiful times I remember spending with her was when we read to each other from our journals. With extraordinary intimacy, we shared with each other our most secret scribblings. I had never been in a relationship that encompassed so much trust. It was only a matter of time before I was bitten by the love bug. We soon began dating and I soon became silly.
When you are in love, you do strange, inexplicable things. There is so much love in you that it just bubbles over and messes with your brain. What a great feeling it is. In dealing with my love for Leah, I soon found myself pursuing different ways I could show my love for her. Each show of affection was not enough (in my own eyes) and therefore, I had to top it each time. Of course I engaged in your typical romantic activities: dinners, movies, cards, flowers, stuffed animals, candy and the like. But these were not enough. I had to go deeper.
Leah had a love for tropical fish so I found some stuffed fish (toys) and a fish net. I got into her office, tacked the net up on the wall and carefully arranged the fish. I know I left a note but I can’t remember exactly what I wrote. I’m sure it was corny and contained at least one pun pertaining to fish or the ocean. As I told you before, I was hooked (pun intended). Another time, I put together a collage of images that related to her favorite things in life. I then placed it in a frame and wrote something appropriately mushy on the back. I was constantly doing these kinds of things. I was a madman. I was insane with love and I didn’t care who knew about it.
Now, let’s relate this kind of behavior with our love for God. We say we love Him, but are we head-over-heels-madly in love with Him. Are we so in love with God that we are willing to step out on a limb to show Him? Are we willing to look stupid to the world so that we can express our affection to our Creator? Are we willing to do whatever it takes to worship our God?
In the book of 2 Samuel, David gives us a picture of “undignified” worship. The Israelites were finally bringing the Ark of the Covenant back to Jerusalem and David got very excited. He danced around like a crazy person. His wife, Michal, chastised him for acting this way. Do you know what David said to her? “I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes.”
Wow! David’s love for the Lord knew no pride. David, king of all Israel, was willing to look foolish in front of men in order to worship His God. Now that’s love! Would that we could show the Lord this kind of adoration.
Oh, whatever happened to me and Leah? Well, let’s just say, things didn’t work out between us. I’m still waiting for Miss Right to come along. In the meantime, I think I’ll direct my wild affections toward the Lord. Would you like to join me?
Copyright 2004 Marty Gordon
Posted by renzntzman at 5:21 PM - Comments [0]
Eating Crow
After reading the book "Still Life with Crows" by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child, I had to write a review. I felt the book was awful and disappointing and I had to let the world know about it on Amazon. Well, somebody goes on Amazon, filches my (anonymous) review, sends it to the authors and they post it on their website. Maybe when I get my book written, they can give me a bad review on Amazon and we'll be even.
August 2003
Hello,
I found this review on Amazon.com and thought you would get a kick out of it. Gee, and I thought "Chrichton Syndrome" involved becoming wealthy by making terrible movies from awful books!
--Jennifer G.
"Still Born With Crows , July 4, 2003
Reviewer: A reader from Columbia, SC United States
They had me. They really had me. Killer on the loose. Pendergast on the investigation. Killings with strange, inexplicable clues. Then...we reach the end of the book and...BAM...Preston/Child have now officially succumbed to Crichton Syndrome (meaning it's impossible to end a book on a high note.)
Without revealing the ending for those of you who will want to read it, let me just say that it's the most ridiculous, ludicrous ending that I've read in a long while. I expect so much more from these guys and they have let me down in their last 2 books. C'mon guys. I dare you to top Relic. I dare you to surpass Riptide. I dare you.
Please."
We like Jennifer's interpretation better. At least, the part about the money.
As for you, Reader from Columbia: just wait until you get a peek at BRIMSTONE..
-- Lincoln Child
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