Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow!

What's the deal? As my age advances, hair disapears from where I want it and appears in places that don't make sense. I'm not bald...yet...but I suffer from a slightly receding hairline. What I want to know is why does the hair leave my head and sprout from other places. I've got hair sprouting from my ears and nose, my eyebrows have decided they want to resemble a Wookie and I don't even want to talk about unmentionable places. Now, they make nose hair clippers and I bought some once but all it seemed to do was massage the inside of my nose. The hair was still there but all my mucus was blended into a nice frappe. (Booger Blender...from Ronco!) My ears...well...let's just say I've had to add the hairy things to my shaving routine. I've got one wild hair on my ear that would grow to the length of a python if I let it. My eyebrows are starting to do that little upturn, curly-Q thing at the points which are great if playing a villian in the latest blockbuster flick but for everyday aesthetics, forget it. Now, I've seen these old men who have the jungles sprouting from their noses and their ears look like Yoda's. Their eyebrows seem to be growing upward for a possible combover to hide the recession. I just want to know...what's up? Why won't the hair grow where I want it and stop growing where I don't want it? It's a mystery and a hairy situation...depending on where you look.