- Jesus didn't die at the resurrection. He was drugged to appear dead then taken down prematurely and nursed back to health in the tomb. The man who is pushing this theory forward has no proof but his new book, "The Jesus Papers" will likely become a bestseller putting scads of money in his pocket.
- Jesus didn't walk on water. He walked on a piece of floating ice. See, there was a cold snap in the Holy Land that year and...well...you get the point. This theory comes from a professor at Florida State University. (they get a lot of ice down there) Next thing you know, he'll say Jesus had a thriving ministry to wayward penquins. (Thus throwing together two hot trends at the moment...Jesus and Penguins)
- Jesus asked Judas to betray him. "Say, Judas? Ummm...if you're not busy a week from Thursday, I've got a little something I need you to do." This theory comes straight to you from some newly found document called "The Gospel of Judas." Wow! This is my chance. This is the open door I've waited for. It's time for me to publish..."The Gospel of Marty." Well...he's got a gospel...she's got a gospel...all God's chillun got a gospel.
All this crap is brought to you thanks to the popularity of "The Da Vinci Code." Anyone who has a bit of an idea can cash in and ride this wave to financial security. I need to go now so I can work on my ideas. Let's see...Jesus didn't turn water into wine...it was just a light ale.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Riding the Code-Tails
Riding in with the wake of the impending "Da Vinci Code" movie, there are many more Jesus myths taking the stage. Here are a couple I read about this morning.