Great Find!

I found this poster at Goodwill yesterday. I'm not sure if it's original from the 70's or a reprint but I do know it's worth more than the $7 I got it for. It also doesn't hurt that Johns is one of my favorite artists. If anyone out there in the blogosphere knows anything about this print, let me know. I don't usually find cool stuff at the thrift stores but this was a great find!

Booklist

The Unnatural Inquirer by Simon R. Green

"Welcome to the Nightside, that secret square mile located in the dark heart of London where the sun never rises and people can fraternize with every myth and monster imaginable. John Taylor is a P.I. with the special ability to locate anyone or anything. The Unnatural Inquirer, the Nightside's most notorious gossip rag, has offered him a million pounds to find a DVD purported to contain an actual recording of the afterlife. John doesn't know if it's true, but someone-or something-thinks so, and will stop at nothing to possess the disc."*

I really like Green's Nightside series. That said, this one was weak. Not as weak as my least favorite (Something from the Nightside) but pretty weak. Still it was an enjoyable and easy read. Since the story arc of the Lilith War ended there hasn't been another large arc started. He did okay without it last time around with Hell to Pay but this time the book suffers. He does hint around that something may be brewing but nothing decisive is given away as to when it might hit the fan. So, a pleasant if not totally satisfying respite in larger picture that is the Nightside.

*Link

Trashed

This morning as I left my apartment for my quick walk to work I noticed 2 helicopters hovering over the neighborhood. As I got closer to the theatre I discovered that a garbage truck had smashed into a tree at the corner of 85th and Palatine. There were emergency vehicles and garbage trucks (to see if their buddy was alright) parked all over the place and N. 85th was shut down. The guy was still trapped in the cab and they were trying to get him out. After 90 minutes they pulled him out. I understand he has a broken leg and will be fine. Apparently the truck's axle broke and he lost control. To see pics and read the official news story, go here.
What a mess!

Down on the Corner

Last night, Sarah and I had just turned the lights out to begin our slumber when all of a sudden there came the sound of a horrendous crash thru the window. Two cars had decided to see who would win in a contest of speed and contact. The little red one lost. She ended up with her car sitting on top of a fire hydrant and a trip to the ER via ambulance. Very exciting for nearly midnight.
We live on the corner of a fairly busy intersection. We see our fair share of accidents from the windows of our third floor apartment although nothing beats the sensation of hearing one thru the window when we're in bed. I usually sit there for a moment and try to decide if it's real or I dreamt it. Not Sarah. She jumps out of bed as if someone threw a tarantula on her. Last night I thought she was going to springboard the cat across the room. There's nothing worse than sleeping with an accident watching rubbernecker.
The worst accident we saw was across the street at Mr. Fix-It's house. He's the guy with umpteen kids who's always adding on to the house or something. At this point, he had just finished putting up a wooden fence. It had taken him ages to build the thing. Well, not too long after he finished some lady ran a guy off the road and he ended up with the front end of his car up on the wall and thru Mr. Fix-It's new fence. The funny thing was as people walked or drove by we heard more than one of them say, "What a shame. He just finished that fence." Well, you'll be happy to know that Mr. Fix-It has restored the fence albeit with a big boulder on the corner protecting the area that was damaged before.
Who needs TV with this kind of drama outside the window.

Robin Trower - Day of the Eagle

I checked this DVD out of the library. At 63, Robin Trower is still going strong. Us old guys can still rock!

To Worship or Not to Worship

Here's one for all of you with an opinion either way. If you have one, I'd like to hear it. I know how I feel but I am hearing how others feel and the arguments are interesting on both sides.
I am now in a band called Midlife Chrysler. I haven't been with them long, perhaps 4 weeks of rehearsals. We have a couple of possible gigs coming up and one of them is to play for the Celebrate Recovery meeting at church. We wouldn't be playing our typical rock tunes but a set of worship songs. Now, here comes the meat of the debate.
Most of you know I used to be a minister, most recently a worship leader. But things went sour at that church and I was "let go." It wasn't the only thing that lead to my current "crisis of faith" but it was a major factor. To make a long story short, I don't believe like I used to. Heck, there are some days I don't believe at all. It's a daily wrestling match. But belief or unbelief, I don't really love God anymore so I don't worship. As a worship leader, I took the subject of worship very seriously. I know, for the most part, what it's for and what it's all about and I know that I don't have it in me to sing praises to God. Sure, I could fake it and I'd be darn convincing but that's not me. I like to operate from a place of authenticity even if it means being a pain in the butt. So, I have chosen not to worship. Now, I have lead worship once or twice since that time but it didn't feel right so I stopped. Folks tell me that I am a gifted worship leader which doesn't help me in the struggle. I have no doubt that I was a gifted leader when my faith was intact but I don't want to be encouraged for faking it.
So, do I do the worship gig with the band or not? I have been honest with them and I have had a chance to dialogue a little bit with them but we haven't had a full blown discussion. My position is one of not wanting to get up and fake it. Others have the position of who among us is worthy to lead worship in the first place. We all have our stuff that gets in the way and God doesn't need you to get cleaned up before you come to Him. Others say I might find my way back to God if I'll just start singing. Maybe. I understand most if not all of the arguments. It's a tug-of-war that I've struggled with a long time. The last church we attended had an atheist playing bass. That would have never happened if I were in leadership back in the day. We always believed that those leading worship should at least be attempting a relationship with God. But who's to say that letting an atheist play bass in the worship band is a bad thing? So, you see my struggle. I go back and forth on the issues.
I know this entry is a confusing mess but hopefully you understood the point I was trying to make. If you have an opinion, I'd love to hear it. You can leave it in the comments or, if it's really lengthy, shoot me an email. I welcome all arguments.

Booklist

"14-year-old Will Burrows has little in common with his strange, dysfunctional family. In fact, the only bond he shares with his eccentric father is a passion for archaeological excavation. So when his dad mysteriously vanishes, Will is compelled to dig up the truth behind his disappearance. He unearths the unbelievable: a subterranean society that time forgot. "The Colony" has existed unchanged for a century, but it's no benign time capsule of a bygone era. Because the Colony is ruled by a merciless overclass, the Styx. Will must free his father--is he also about to ignite a revolution?"*

This book came highly recommended by a friend so I wanted to like it. Truth be told, I stopped reading at 350 pages. I should have stopped sooner. Nothing much happened in the book. Sue me but I like for things to happen in a story. And, to be honest, I didn't like the characters. Now, I've been seeing lots of comparisons to Harry Potter about this book. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Sure, there are similarities in the basic plot but the writing is nowhere near the quality of Rowling's. Rowling's chapters are laced with action, character development, humor, and juicy clues that drive you toward the end. Tunnels leads you down into a tunnel with nothing but a dead end.

*Link

The Grieving Game

I have been wondering what's wrong with me lately and I think I may have hit on something. I am grieving but not just in the obvious ways.
I am still grieving the loss of Max. I have always been a sensitive soul when it comes to animals and I fall in love with them way too deeply. Animals are just so awesome. They give love and never betray us. Max was more than a pet to me. He was a companion. He is gone and I miss him terribly. I think this grief over Max has given me insight into my grieving over other losses as well. I think I am grieving over the loss of many things in my life right now. For some reason they are all crashing in on me at this moment and it's very difficult to deal with it.
- As friend Jeff always says, "I've always wanted to be a big deal." When he says it I understand where he's coming from. I have always wanted that too. Not necessarily in a big celebrity kind of way but I've just wanted people to know my work and respect it. In the past, I have had some great opportunities to feel like a big deal. In the past few years, this hasn't happened and I guess I miss the feeling. I know it's not true but I feel like I have lapsed into being a nobody. I am a hugely talented guy but I feel as thought I am dwelling in the shadows, eclipsed by the more "me" oriented talent that travel with a light over their heads. I don't crave the spotlight but I do like to have a candle lit in my honor from time to time.
- I am also grieving the loss of friendships. I grieve that my closest, dearest friends are so far away from me and I don't talk to them or see them nearly enough. I grieve over the fact that making new friends is tough, partially because people aren't as friendly here in the NW but partly because I am less trusting. I suppose you could say I am also grieving my ability to trust. I have been betrayed in some mighty big ways and it has scarred me. I grieve the fact that I can't open up to people who want to enter my life. I want to open up but I honestly don't know how anymore. It feels too much like opening a wound so that someone can rub dirt in it. I want friends, need them but I don't know how to get back to the place where I know how to have them. Another obstacle in this area is that my concept of friendship is so much higher than most folks. I want deep, lasting friendships filled with meaningful encounters and deep conversations. I don't do shallow and refuse to play that game. At this point in my life I don't need any more aquaintances. I need Proverbs 17:17 friends.
- Last but not least, I grieve the loss of my relationship with God. At this point, I flip-flop between belief and disbelief and it's left a hole in my life. Many of the opportunities to use my talents are wrapped up in the issue of faith. I enjoy singing but I can't lead worship anymore. Sure, I could get up and fake it but that's not the kind of person I am. I can't be false like that. So, I don't do it because I don't want to sing love songs to God because right now I don't love Him. But I do miss the relationship.
I can't properly express everything that I am feeling. I don't have the words. But I am glad to know that it's grief I am experiencing. Perhaps by giving it a name I can learn how to deal with it.

So-So Friday

Well, it wasn't entirely good because (and I knew it would happen) the jeep died again and I had to have it towed this time. It was the starter. Luckily our mechanic fixed it mucho pronto and we were able to head over to the church to see the Stations of the Cross.

This year our church asked artists in the church to interpret the different stations. Sarah and I both contributed. When we got there, we entered not knowing what to expect but it turned out great. It truly was experiential, a sacred space. The art is amazing. Artists and (by their admission) non-artists alike put their best foot forward and created some great pieces. The combination of art, artist's statements, lighting, and music really is quite effective. We forgot to take our camera but hopefully others will share their photos with me so I can share them with you.

Great job everyone! We have raised the bar yet another rung.

Weird Day, Weird Week

This morning, I go to start the jeep and it's sluggish and almost won't start. I try it a few more times and it starts working fine. I drive to work and try it again once I've stopped and it won't do anything. So, I go to work hoping I can start it later to take it to the mechanic. Well, it starts but just barely so I take it to the mechanic. Once I get it there, it won't not start. He shakes his head and says if we can't duplicate the problem he doesn't know what to fix. I drive it home and it's been starting fine ever since. I don't get it.
To top all that off, I've been having trouble with my GERD. The last couple of days I've been experiencing major discomfort and hardly slept at all last night. I'm wondering if it's something I ate or if I need to fast to purge my system again. I'm going to drink lots of water, eat light and if it's not better by Monday I'll fast for a day.
I'll be glad when this week from hell is over.

Feeling Better

A bit better today. It helped that I came home from work and made art. Still alot on my mind and what to do about it but I feel lighter today. Making art does that for me.

I Hate You, Visual Art

Here's an entertaining rant about visual arts in Seattle. I agree with some of what he says but, truthfully, I don't know as much about the arts scene in Seattle as I would like. So far, I've only been able to crack into the coffee shop/art boutique market. I hope to be able to show in some galleries before too long but who knows if I'll be able to crack that nut. Art communities are very cliquish (a word?) in general. You're either in or you're not. I'm not.
I did get a new show yesterday. It's in Queen Anne, a neighborhood I haven't shown in yet. I am now booked solid thru the first part of September.

Sick and Tired

Ever been there? Ever felt so down you just wished you could disappear? I'm there.
I guess having to put Max to sleep triggered it but some other things happening over the weekend didn't help the situation. I have no one to blame for this but myself. I am ashamed of myself for my selfish thoughts, jealousies and insecurity.
Life is hard right now. I wish vacation wasn't a month away. I could use it right now.

Happy Birthday, Sarah!

Yes, today is my wife's 38th birthday. She is a St. Patty's Day baby. She says it took her years before she realized it wasn't all about her. To celebrate we have invited a bunch of friends over to the apartment for frivolity and food. I was going to make it a surprise but after our ordeal with Max I felt she needed something to look forward to.
Speaking of Max, it gets a little better everyday but we really do miss him alot. He was such a huge part of our lives. Bedtime is the hardest because we both had a routine of checking on him and spending time with him before we retired. We've shed more than our fair share of tears, so much so that our eyes hurt constantly. Why do we let those little short-lived furballs dig into our hearts so deeply?
Anyway...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SARAH! I love you and hope to spend many, many more birthdays/St. Patty's Days with you!

Max

Our Max is gone. We had to put him to sleep a little while ago. His health had been travelling downhill for quite a while now but we just kept hoping that he would snap back or that he would pass peacefully in his sleep. Anything to keep us from having to make that difficult decision. But after talking with the vet we decided it was time to give him peace from his pain. And it was so hard. Sarah and I are not doing well. We both loved him so much.

His chair is empty now and we don't know what to do with ourselves. I know the pain will pass but we're raw right now. The simple truth is Max hasn't truly been himself for a while. He grew old very fast. I remember being to pick him up and hold him like a baby but I haven't been able to do that for several months because of the arthritis in his back. When my cat Trinity died 3 months after moving out here, Max seemed to sense that I needed him and he was truly my buddy ever since. Sarah actually knew I was the "one" because of Max. Max was very skittish and when we first met she told me that I might never see him. Well, the first day we met he came out and I was able to scratch his head. The second weekend I went to see Sarah, she went to a meeting at church and when she came home Max was sitting in my lap while we watched a movie. Most people didn't know he existed because he always hid but he loved me almost from day one.

He was a good kitty and we are going to miss him alot.